"We Want the Nice Mom Back!"

Every now and then, Mean Mom makes a visit to our family.  She usually issues edicts such as:

"From now on, each of you will do exactly as I say exactly when I say to do it, or you will find yourself in bed 15 minutes earlier."

She is trying to sound in control and authoritarian, but instead she just sounds silly.  And she makes my children cry, and beg for Nice Mom to return.

I tell my kids that Mean Mom wouldn't even show up if Nice Mom could say for example, "[insert child's name here], please get your shoes and socks on right now." and then said child would happily go without complaint or stalling to retrieve the socks and shoes and quickly put them on, thereby ensuring that Nice Mom wouldn't sound like an increasingly angry and tired broken record, we would be on time for school, and Nice Mom would harbor feelings of contentment and goodwill toward the charges in her care.

Instead, Nice Mom asks for things to be done, and on the rare occasion that the children actually turn their heads and look at Nice Mom to acknowledge that her request was indeed heard, what usually happens is the request goes unfilled.  Nice Mom repeats herself.  Request still unfilled.  Nice Mom gets busy doing something else, then remembers that the task is still incomplete.  Nice Mom asks again.  It may or may not happen.

Nice Mom gets treated to the sound of her own voice for several weeks, and then Mean Mom decides that Nice Mom has had enough.

Mean Mom has many tricks up her sleeve.  They include things like threatening to bag up and give away any toys left on the floor in the bedroom, threatening to exert control over every aspect of the children's lives--what they wear, what they eat, what they can play with and when, or threatening to give them chores that will take them from after dinner to bedtime to complete.  (More crying, and lots of "That's not fair!" ring through the house.)

And then somewhere during the day, Nice Mom gets a small break, and things go back to the way they were before (if you need a clue, go back and read from the word "Instead..." over and over and over again.)

This whole scenario happened this morning.  I'm not sure if I woke up this way, or it's a holdover from last night's disastrous attempt at Family Home Evening.  What should have taken no more than 6 minutes took over 40 minutes because of insipid interruptions, the inability to sit still and quietly for the 3 page picture scripture story, and continuing to engage in behavior that Mom and Dad had asked several time to cease and desist.

I'm not mad at my kids.  But I am tired.  I'm tired of saying things more than once and then have to ask myself if I actually said them out loud.  I'm tired of things taking longer than they should.  I'm tired of not being able to have a simple 5-minute conversation with my spouse without less than 10 interruptions by well-meaning children who insist that if they don't tell me RIGHT NOW, they will forget.

I don't want my children to fear me, and yet, I do.  Does that make sense?  I REALLY want them to do what I ask when I ask because they love and respect me, and they know that I never really ask them to do things that are too hard or take a long time, and they do it because there's a bigger plan than just the task at hand.  But I'm to the point that in the absence of those things, I'll take fear.

Maybe I just need to get Mean Mom and Nice Mom together for a staff meeting.  There has to be a way for both Moms to exist at the same time.